I’ll say it out loud (you know what I mean) — I’ve been terrible at keeping up with my blog. One of the reasons I started JLYBM was to have a regular creative practice and hold myself accountable for some sort of output on the reg. I can’t say that my life has drastically changed since then, to make an excuse for why I’ve been unable to keep up. Nothing’s changed much. Life just happens. Work is demanding, as is home and social life. There doesn’t seem to be enough time, and any free time is spent deservedly grabbing some R&R. Call it busy, lazy or tired, but none of those seem good enough reasons to give up on this personal pursuit to spend my time thoughtfully and meaningfully, as something for my mental health and mere existence. So let me call this a confession, a plea, a begging for forgiveness of myself for not letting my creativity be worthy enough of my time. I’m scum. Or, just human.
I had a pretty good momentum going at the beginning. Call it Bloginner’s Luck. I was inspired and perky with all kinds of new ideas and things to say. I gleaned a few things here and there about best blog practices that I still have yet to incorporate. The one most worth mentioning here sparked around New Year’s, when everyone was in a reflective, ambitious and hopeful frame of mind. It was in the form of someone’s blog resolution to “post more, write less.” It was a bit of a relief to read that, and aspire to do the same.
I might have said before that I’m not a writer. The point of this blog wasn’t to be a writer. Somehow, despite being aware of this, I put this pressure on myself, that I have to write something worth reading. I inserted a judgement filter on my own creative outlet! So, basically, every time I approach blog-post time, I’m shooting down all the thoughts and ideas I thought were interesting over the past week or so. I’m worried that it’s not compelling enough. I start in on a topic and realize there isn’t too much to say about it. So then I post nothing. I forget that the point isn’t to have a lot to say about something, necessarily… but just to say it. It won’t be brilliant. It might not even be original. But it will likely be honest. And it might not be in some smarty-pants narrative every time. I think I also put pressure on myself because, let’s face it – blogging is a format primarily for writing. But maybe I know better than I think I do. And I shouldn’t feel like I’m limited to writing, even within this write-y medium. Especially if I’m no writer.
Okay. I’m still on board with this. I’m here, right? Humiliating myself a little, but maybe that helps? I don’t know what the road ahead looks like with this blog, but it can’t take shape without me. It’s going take a little more practice. I’ll make sure to stretch.